Questions & Answers: On Saying Please by A.G. Gardiner

Alfred George Gardiner’s essay “On Saying Please” is a classic exposition on the small courtesies that grease the wheels of the complex machinery of society. Gardiner, known for his essays written under the pseudonym “Alpha of the Plough,” delves into the etiquette of everyday interactions and the significance of politeness in maintaining social harmony. In this article, we examine the essay through a series of questions and answers to appreciate the nuances of Gardiner’s perspective on civility.

What is the central theme of A.G. Gardiner’s essay “On Saying Please”?

The central theme is the importance of politeness and civility in everyday life. Gardiner suggests that saying “please,” a seemingly inconsequential word, holds great power in fostering goodwill and respect among individuals. The essay advocates for the practice of basic manners as a cornerstone of civil society.

How does Gardiner illustrate the significance of small courtesies?

Gardiner illustrates the significance through anecdotes and examples that demonstrate the effect of courtesy on interpersonal relations. One key example is the story of a lift man who throws out a passenger for not saying “please” when requesting a floor. This incident underlines how the absence of a simple courtesy can escalate into a conflict.

Is “On Saying Please” relevant to modern readers?

Absolutely. While the essay was penned in the early 20th century, its message is timeless. In an era where interactions are increasingly digital and impersonal, Gardiner’s call for courtesy is ever pertinent. The essay serves as a reminder that politeness is essential in all interactions, irrespective of the medium.

How does Gardiner view the relationship between law and courtesy?

Gardiner views law and courtesy as two different spheres that govern society. The law prescribes a minimum standard of behavior and is enforced by sanctions. Courtesy, on the other hand, is not enforceable and operates on a moral plane. It is about the “little laws of light” that we obey because we are “gentlefolk and not because we shall be punished if we break them.”

What does the essay suggest about the role of politeness in conflict resolution?

The essay posits that politeness acts as a preventive measure against conflicts. It suggests that many everyday disputes can be avoided if people simply use courteous language and show respect for one another. Gardiner intimates that civility can defuse tension and create an atmosphere conducive to understanding and tolerance.

Does Gardiner believe that there should be legal consequences for rudeness?

Gardiner does not advocate for legal consequences for rudeness. He believes that the essence of courtesy lies in its voluntary nature—that it should be offered freely and without compulsion. The law cannot mandate genuine courtesy, as it comes from the heart and is a measure of one’s character.

How does Gardiner differentiate between rights and feelings in the context of courtesy?

Gardiner differentiates between rights and feelings by explaining that while the law protects our rights, courtesy safeguards our feelings. He points out that our interactions often go beyond legal rights and venture into the realm of human emotions, where courtesy plays a pivotal role.

What role does human dignity play in Gardiner’s essay?

Dignity is at the core of Gardiner’s message. He suggests that the practice of saying “please” and “thank you” acknowledges the dignity of others and shows a basic level of respect for their personhood. By promoting civility, Gardiner is essentially advocating for the recognition and preservation of everyone’s dignity.

Is there an irony in the lift man’s response to the rude passenger?

Indeed, there is irony in the lift man’s response. The lift man, who expects politeness from the passenger, ironically responds with rudeness and physical force. Gardiner uses this irony to highlight that responding to discourtesy with discourtesy only perpetuates a cycle of incivility.

How does Gardiner justify the necessity of saying “please” and “thank you”?

Gardiner justifies the necessity by explaining that these words act as the “oil” for the “friction” of life. They are small gestures that make the machinery of human relations run smoothly. Without such lubrication, social interactions can become abrasive and lead to unnecessary conflict.

Can “On Saying Please” be seen as a guide to etiquette?

While not a comprehensive guide to etiquette, “On Saying Please” can be seen as a primer on the foundational principles of courteous behavior. Gardiner’s essay simplifies the concept of etiquette to its most basic elements, making it accessible and relevant for any reader looking to understand the importance of manners.